As the famous theme song says, “Sometimes you want to go, where everybody knows your name/where they’re always glad you came.” Your bar. The neighborhood Cheers. The bar where when you enter, no matter the day, no matter the time, you know the bartender, he or she knows you, knows your drink, and has it ready by the time you reach your stool.

The bar where you can unload your troubles, share your best moments, and simply sink into the surroundings. The bar where the tender stands, stoically and proudly, wiping the counter with an old rag, and offering bits of advice, consolation, or admiration – whatever you might need that day. The bar that becomes your home away from home. Your bar.

I have been on a search for this bar in Stockholm. A search for the bartender that can spin a tale of excitement while I slowly sip my whiskey after a long day of work or can listen to an old joke while I enjoy a beer on a warm day. A bar where I can proudly consider myself a regular.

Becoming a regular, however, is not as easy as it sounds. According to Camilla of The Spitfire Bar, “you have your regulars that you like and the ones you don’t like.

The ones you like, they come and talk and don’t expect much. You can have a really nice conversation with them. The regulars you don’t like, they are standing there screaming your name and expect something from you.” A good bartender, the type that attracts regulars from all over town, can maneuver between the true regulars, the barflies only interested in a free drink, and the first-timers seamlessly.

Being a regular at a bar is not about getting free drinks or friendly prices. It’s not about going to the bar more often than any other customer. It’s about finding a sanctuary, finding that corner of comfort in the city where you can take “a break from all your worries.” It’s about getting to know the bartender and allowing the bartender to get to know you.

Talking to some of the crowd at The Spitfire and various other bars in Östermalm, Söder and Gamla Stan, I found the most common reason for frequenting individual bars is,“I live (or work) nearby.”

Then there are customers like Sheena Holms. She wouldn’t call herself a regular at The Spitfire yet, but she frequently stops in with friends as she needs a little more than just “close to home.” She returns because “the music is good, the ambience is good. And nice people. The staff are good, they remember you, they remember what you drink… It’s nice when [bartenders] remember what drink you drink. It makes you feel they remember you and want you to come back.”

This is how regulars are made. It’s an art-form lost on many modern bartenders, who are more concerned with the bar’s fresh fruit purees and complex cocktails than they are with getting to know the people who sit on their stools every day.

So, have I finally found my bar at The Spitfire? Possibly. The drinks are good. The atmosphere was everything a local pub should be. And the bartender was there to share a story, to laugh at jokes, and to make sure my glass never went dry. We’ll have to see when next I enter, if “everybody knows my name.”