October 2012

I’m back in Stockholm for three weeks on a break from sizzling New York. August is my choice of month to go back and see my nearest and dearest, not least because Swedes at this point have a more relaxed relationship to summer. The initial, almost panic-driven urge to gulp down beer at outdoor patios, to run outside as soon as the sun momentarily crawls out of a cloud and arrange picnics and barbeques is somewhat decimated. August is also the logical time to visit as most of my friends are back from their cottages in Gotland, Skåne, Småland or Norrland by this time. Unfortunately, so are The Rude Stockholmers.

Already at Arlanda, before I even take my first breath of Swedish air, I get an annoyed “hallå!” from a young woman when I involuntarily bring the revolving door to a halt for a few seconds. In the food store at Folkungagatan, while I’m waiting in line at the cashier, a woman simply walks past me and places her stuff on the conveyor belt, as my stroller obstructs me from reaching it without ramming the person in front of me. When I visit the wonderful new art museum Artipelag, I love it before I even enter it – the boardwalk leading to the building offers a stunning view over a very beautiful part of the Stockholm archipelago – but when we walk up to the entrance desk the woman behind it is sour and indifferent. My dad makes a joke about whether the baby should pay an entrance fee, and the woman looks at us as if we are complete morons.

Seriously, what’s wrong with you?

Swedes accuse Americans of being superficial and impersonal and we ridicule their “have a nice day”-inflected chit-chat. Well, being impersonal is a lot better than being rude. After only six months in New York I find myself having adjusted to the American level of niceness and from my new viewpoint, I’m appalled by the Swedish lack of kindness.

Where does it come from? I think it’s some kind of distorted, misinterpreted sense of pride. Having been brought up in one of the most equal societies on earth, we have been programmed from the start to not take any shit from anybody. We always make sure to stand up for our rights and we’re constantly on the lookout for anyone trying it on with master suppression techniques. It’s not our damn obligation to be nice, and we certainly don’t need to suck up to anybody. And all this creates a culture where it’s OK to be rude.

Don’t get me wrong, most people are nice, but what I’m talking about is a culture where it’s optional to be nice and all right to be rude; where it’s not a big deal if somebody jumps in line or yell at you for nothing. But I do think it’s a big deal.

Just like the tone of voice between members in a family says a lot about – and means a lot for – the atmosphere of every-day life, I think one way to measure a society is to look at how strangers interact with each other. And even if we rank at the top in zillions of surveys about innovation and IT, if we can’t be nice to each other, how civilized are we, really?

Shape up Stockholmers!